My Vasectomy.

After five kids from two marriages, I finally had enough. I scheduled a vasectomy.

The guys who had them reported varying degrees of discomfort. I could expect mild to moderate pain, followed by a short period of recovery.

They told me to make sure I had frozen vegetables on hand to help with the swelling.

I got increasingly nervous as the date of my appointment drew near.

I couldn’t imagine being cut on down there. Especially on what was known as the family jewels. I feared the pubic shaving almost as much as I did the operation.

We arrived two hours early as told. My wife and three kids parked themselves in the center of the waiting area. They whisked me upstairs.

I asked for anesthesia before I got shaved.

Sometime later, I woke up in post-op. There was a mild pain in my groin, but I felt better than I had anticipated.

I dressed and took the elevator to the waiting area. The kids ran up to me.

We shuffled over to my wife. She asked me how it went.

I looked at her with a pained face with downcast eyes, and said in a high falsetto voice:

“I got through it just fine with no complications!”

She burst out in laughter. It was a loud cackling laugh. She laughed so much, it was embarrassing.

She called me a fool several times on the way home.

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Anthony (Tony) Pretlow

Avid reader. Baseball enthusiast. Devoted father of five. Sound money advocate. Happily married/ retired. Being right is overrated.